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As if Glasgow’s reputation wasn’t gleaming enough, the city has recently been awarded third place in a study investigating the unhealthiest cities in the UK (conducted by supplement manufacturer BioCare). Beaten only by Bristol and Worcester, the study showed that almost half of all Glaswegians are medically overweight but claim they are too busy to do anything about it.

Just over ten years ago, a global study involving 15 million people revealed that Glasgow’s men have the second highest heart attack rate in the world. There were beaten only by, wait for it…Glasgow’s women. Yay! These Glaswegian rates proved to be ten times higher than those of Beijing, Catalonia and Vaud Fribourg in Switzerland. While a lot has changed in the last decade, the study would suggest that our waistlines have not.

It’s time to swap the daily Greggs’ steak bake for a fruit salad, and put that hour you just spent Facebook stalking your friend’s brother’s neighbour to better use at the gym. Or not. The gym’s about as exciting as watching Emmerdale.There’s a multitude of interesting sports out there for you to get your teeth into and undo the damage. That is, if yo ucan handle people looking at you funny:

1) Nude Hiking – this German phenomenon has recently en-tered the UK. It’s totally illegal in many parts of the world,for obvious reasons, so be careful. Everyone remembers TheNaked Rambler circa 2004. I guess this one is pretty self-explanatory.  Go hiking. But naked. And use lots of suncream.

2) Wife Carrying – originating in Finland, men compete inan obstacle course while the wife hangs upside-down withher legs around the husband’s shoulders, holding onto hiswaist. The wife has to be a minimum of 49 kgs. So everyone in Glasgow should be fine.

3) Toe Wrestling - Players must link toes and each player’s feet must touch flat on the other person’s feet. It begins with a short introductory chant, usually ‘one, two, three, four,I declare a toe war.’ Winning means placing a foot on the same foot of the opponent and pinning it down. The organisers applied for the sport’s inclusion in the Olympics. I’m unsure why it was rejected.

4) Chess Boxing – a hybrid activity involving rounds of chess and boxing. This one originated in 1992 in Holland and begins with a four minute chess round. This is followed by a three minute boxing match. Then, players have four minutes of chess. And after this they play boxing for three minutes. See where I’m going with this?

5) Oil Wrestling – Turkey’s national sport. Wrestling, butdoused in oil and wearing lederhosen. Enough said.

So if there’s nothing there that tickles your fancy, then I’ll bedamned. I have no words of wisdom for you. Just stay fat.

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